It’s been two months since I gave birth to Shree and the reality of it all is only hitting me now. Everything I passed off as nothing much suddenly seems like a huge deal. In early pregnancy, I experienced an autoimmune flare-up and low-grade fever for over a month. All throughout my pregnancy, I experienced severe nausea which required medication from 11 weeks onwards. It took so much out of me, especially with my decision to homeschool, to power through each day. I did not enjoy the pregnancy and looked forward to the day I would be giving birth. And then the pandemic hit just as I entered my third trimester putting a stop to that and sending my anxiety through the roof instead.
My paranoia in regards to COVID caused me to isolate from my parents and eventually walk into the hospital for my induction alone. I know it’s done and overwith but lately I’ve been having a hard time processing everything that has transpired in the last few months, especially the emergency C-section. At the time I was too in shock to feel anything but thinking back on it now makes my heart skip a beat. Although I’m glad that even in that situation I remembered to request for a tubal litigation, I didn’t realize that I’d also now sort of feel sad, like I’m missing a part of me. Strange right? I really didn’t see that one coming but then again I didn’t see any of it coming, including a fourth baby.
Regardless I’m so happy that Shree’s here and healthy. Her personality fits into our family dynamic perfectly like she’s the missing piece we’ve been waiting for. Despite all the chaos that led up to Shree’s birth, I couldn’t imagine my life without her in it. She may have been born at the height of the pandemic but despite that and all the odds, we made it. Looking back, I’d do it all over again just to have her.
I’m a bunch of big, conflicting emotions right now and I suppose that’s okay. This is my fourth post-partum journey, yet it only clicked this time around that recovery, especially emotional recovery, takes a lot more time than the six weeks allocated for healing. And today I’m leaving you all with that reminder as well 🙂