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May 2023
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My Small Shop

Recent Comments

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moderndaybrownmom

Initially I had taken a much needed seven week hia

Initially I had taken a much needed seven week hiatus from social media for the sake of my mental and emotional health. Just when I was ready to come back and post again, I had to take an additional few weeks off to nurse Karthik back to health following an accident that happened at home.

On June 24th, as the kids completed their @foursprinklesofsugar order request for a special girl's first birthday party and awaited on pick-up arrangements, Karthik asked to boil water in the kettle for a science experiment we had done many times before. I asked him to wait while I changed Shree but being the enthusiastic, risk-taking, in through one ear and out the other kind of ten-year old he is, he went ahead without my supervision. As Shree came running out the door he was caught off guard and spilled the boiling hot water on his upper thigh. I didn't see this happen and he didn't make a sound so I was oblivious that an accident had occured. In the couple minutes I had taken to wash my hands and then pick up the phone to schedule pick-up he had managed to splash cold water on the burn and change his shorts. When he came to tell me, ever so calmly, that he had burned his thigh using the kettle, I wasn't aware of the extent of damage. I assumed the outside metal of the kettle had burned his thigh and went to grab the Polysporin to dress the burn. When he lifted up his shorts my heart sank because I knew he had second degree burns on his entire upper thigh. I immediately got him into the tub and poured cold water on it as I called for an ambulance. FYI: To treat a burn, slowly pour cold water over it for about 20 minutes to prevent further burning/damage of tissues; do not use ice. I couldn't reach anyone in time to watch my other three kids so I had no choice but to seat the kids on the couch, give the kids their tablets, leave Shakthi in charge of Vishnu and Shree and pray no other accidents would happen while I was gone. Eventually I got into contact with my dad who went to stay with the kids and Karthik's dad who later met us at the hospital.

CONT. In the comments.

The months May through June is a rather busy time

The months May through June is a rather busy time for our household. The last five weeks were spent celebrating three out of the four kids' birthdays in addition to two birthdays in family and Mother's Day and Father's Day. Vishnu's birthday particularly, is always accompanied by a whirlwind of emotions and that's partially why I tend to take a break during this time of year. I do apologize if I worried anyone and appreciate all who took the time to check in on us while I took the time to focus on not only all the celebrations but my health. Now that I've recharged and reset, I'm looking forward to catching up on the content I've missed and sharing some of my own from the past month starting with this cake I made. Exactly a month ago we celebrated baby girl Shree's 2nd birthday. She specifically asked for a cow cake with lady bugs, a pig, dog, and duck, a red balloon, and a yellow dress and that's what she got! This all edible egglesss vanilla cake with white chocolate buttercream and rainbow sprinkles featured a fondant cow and ladybug figures and hand painted animals. The birthday girl was so appreciative!
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#moderndaybrownmommom #farmcake #momswhobake #momblogger #southasianblogger #tamilblogger

About 10 years ago I remained at home all day thin

About 10 years ago I remained at home all day thinking I was experiencing Braxton Hicks or false contractions when in fact I was having real contractions. Having had a painful induction and intense contractions with my oldest, I had no clue what natural contractions felt like. I had been admitted into labour and delivery twice earlier that week and didn't want to go in a third time only to be sent back home for labour not progressing and refusing an induction. I was really hoping to experience an unmedicated birth at full-term the second time around. When I called my mom around 11pm on May 8th to tell her I was going to try to sleep and get some rest before going to the hospital in the morning, my dad overheard and insisted that I go in immediately. And thank goodness for that even though at times I kind of wish Karthik had been born at home 😅.

My mom came to pick us up and during the drive to the hospital I realized I was having regular contractions less than a minute apart. My mom was so anxious that Karthik would be born in the car but we managed to drop off my 16 month old with my dad and make it to the hospital just before midnight. It was confirmed that I was 9cm dilated and I was immediately prepped for delivery. An hour later Karthik was born. My pregnancy wasn’t ideal due to complications from an autoimunne flare up but I wouldn’t change a thing about Karthik’s birth. I revel in the fact that I was in control and confident about giving birth and that I had the opportunity to experience the birthing process in all it’s glory. He is the only child out of my four that made it almost to his due date and as a result my only unmedicated birth. And just as his entrance into this world, he's been such an easy-going child with a calm and sweet demeanor about him. It's truly been a joy raising him for the past ten years.

Yesterday we celebrated my Udayan Karthik's 10th birthday with all edible car-themed cake and all of his favourite vegetarian food. He had a wonderful day however I'm still having a difficult time accepting that I now have two kids in the double digits. Babies sure grow up fast.

#10thbirthday #carcake #moderndaybrownmommom

He'll be 10 soon and I've been so emotional lately

He'll be 10 soon and I've been so emotional lately reflecting upon the past decade. When I found out my second-born was a boy, many told me I was lucky to have a boy rather than another girl solely on the perception that raising boys is easier. But I've always felt that raising boys is much more challenging. As I parent, I have to make sure to dismiss every gender stereotype that unfairly exists in his favour as a result of this patriarchal world and as a result raise the standard for him. My goal has always been to raise a kind, compassionate, empathetic man with a strong sense of not only morals but equality; strong enough that patriarchy doesn't easily influence or sway him. Although I have years ahead of me left, I am somewhat relieved that I'm on the right track.

Over the course of a decade he's been at my side, ready to offer a hand without me ever having to ask. When I was pregnant with his baby sister, he offered to take on vacuuming knowing how hard it was for me to vacuum but also knowing how much it meant for me to have a clean space. When I was recovering from my C-section, two years ago, he would grab every ingredient I needed to cook so I didn't have to bend down or reach up high to grab them regardless of what he was busy doing. He started mopping the kitchen after every meal I cooked like I usually do. This continues to this day with him prepping/cooking alongside me and helping me lift barrels and boxes when I'm making products for my small shop. He's also very encouraging, highly supportive, and truly plays a huge role in the success of my business. He even bought me a gift for getting through my first pop-up shop last November. Although he's not very organized himself, he makes the effort to do things in a neat and organized manner for me because of how much it means to me.

CONTINUED.

📸: @saakshiphotography

When I first started my small shop, my well-meanin

When I saw this photo of my oldest, I couldn't bel

When I saw this photo of my oldest, I couldn't believe there was a time when I stressed about her growth. When Akshaya was born one of the first things people asked was how much she weighed. Even though I was not comfortable discussing it, I obliged because it's common practice to introduce babies by weight, length, and time of birth. When I disclosed her weight of 5 pounds I received a lot of looks of worry and pity despite the fact she was born weeks early. I was even asked whether I had starved myself in order to have a small, "easy to birth", baby. It only got worse as Akshaya grew and I was constantly told she was small for her age, asked whether I was feeding her enough, and made to feel like I was a neglectful mother for what genetics was responsible for. Then it happened all over again with Vishnu who was even smaller and in the 2nd percentile for weight; currently in the 5th.

The comparing of weight and essentially body shaming, starts right at birth from loved ones who for the most part mean well, but also from baby's first wellness visit where baby is put on a growth chart/curve based on their weight for length percentile. A relatively "big" baby is seen as healthy and well-cared for; a source of pride infact and this makes sense when you look back at human history where food was a scarcity. Extra weight, especially in infancy, provided a survival advantage. However society seems to be stuck in the past as it continues to ignore research that suggests quick weight gain in infancy is a strong risk factor for childhood, adolescent, and adult obesity. Society loves big babies until sometime in childhood where it does a 180 and bigger bodies aren't acceptable or tolerated anymore. Obviously weight needs to be tracked for various health reasons but we have to also acknowledge that the widely used growth chart is quite outdated and biased. When comparing babies, we forget to acknowledge the role genetics play, the uniqueness of each pregnancy, and that all babies are different and thus grow differently. Society's obsession over a baby's weight and weight in general is overwhelming and it puts unnecessary pressure on both child and parents.

CONT.

The letter I wrote for my oldest, 11 years ago...

The letter I wrote for my oldest, 11 years ago...

My dearest Akshaya, as we near your very first birthday my heart is bursting with all kinds of emotions; joy at the thought of watching you grow and become your own person and sorrow at the thought of you one day no longer clinging onto me. Although I know you don't belong to me, I can't help but believe the universe conspired to give you to me. It must have heard my prayers, felt my desire to have a child and become a mother, and trusted that I'd do everything in my power, to protect you when it decided it was time to bless me with you. Though sudden and unexpected you were everything I'd ever dreamt of and more; a force to be reckoned with, you always make your presence felt and known. Perhaps it was by divine intervention that I named you Shakthi; divine energy.

They say you're a mini-me and although I see so much of me in you and you in me, I sincerely wish for you to be better than me. I wish the parts in you that I've had to hide in me be the strengths you cherish whole-heartedly. From the very beginning you've felt like my destiny; as if our souls were always meant to coexist in harmony. Feeling life grow inside of me has given my life new meaning and my eyes new perspective as they now see differently. Though young and naive I've always felt prepared for the challenges that motherhood will inevitably bestow upon me. Though I may not be able to give you everything you deserve, I will always try my hardest to give you what you need and be the kind of mother that'll help you reach your goals, whatever they may be. I know from time to time I'll inevitably make mistakes as I grow alongside you but I hope you know my love for you will never diminish, it'll only grow exponentially if that's even a possibility.

You, my firstborn, are truly special to me. I'll never forget the way you came into this world, five weeks early, during a blizzard no less, gifting me the title of mother as you were placed upon me wide-eyed and ready. And no matter where life takes you I hope you remember all that you mean to me; you'll always be my baby.

#moderndaybrownmommom #momblogger

Some days I have it all together and other days I

Some days I have it all together and other days I go with the flow. Today was the latter. Homemade mini pizzas with white sauce because we didn't have enough tomatoes to make tomato sauce. We used the one tomato we did have, spinach, red onion, Mozzarella, and @fieldroast Italian veggie sausage as toppings.

White Sauce Recipe

Ingredients:

2 Tbsp butter
2 Tbsp flour
2 cloves grated/finely minced garlic
1 cup milk
1/2 cup shredded cheese
1/2 tsp dried oregano/basil
Salt to taste
Black pepper to taste

Instructions:

Melt the butter in a sauce pan. Add the garlic and flour and cook on medium heat for about 2-3 minutes. Take care not to brown the flour. Add the milk, salt, oregano, and whisk until sauce thickens. Turn off the hear and gently stir in the cheese. Add black pepper to taste.

NOTE: Sauce should be fairly thick to use on pizza. A lighter consistency sauce may lead to a soggy pizza as the sauce will melt during baking. Usually parmesan cheese is used to make white sauce however we used a mix of cheddar and Mozzarella as a vegetarian option.

#moderndaybrownmom #momblogger #whitesaucepizza #homemadepizza #pizza #whatifeedmykids #vegetarianpizza #vegetariankids #kidlunch #easylunches

When my oldest was one I noticed she was so much l

When my oldest was one I noticed she was so much like me in that she struggled with crowded places, loud noises, smells, certain textures of both clothing and food, messy play, and adjusting to new environments, people, and new routines. She was extremely cautious often observing before taking risks, a perfectionist, and became overwhelmed fairly quickly especially when she was tired, hungry, or stressed. Tags on her clothes would bother her so much that I would have to cut them off. The seam of her socks would have to align perfectly with her toes or she would have a meltdown. She would announce that her clothes were wet and want to change as soon as a drop of water got on them. She would startle when people spoke loudly or when she heard loud sounds and get anxious and want to leave when the library or store got crowded. She was also a perfectionist; placing her shoes neatly on the doormat and folding her clothes perfectly by the age two. She was very intuitive and very empathetic often struggling to cope when I was experiencing Lupus flares and refusing to speak or go about her regular routine when I was hospitalized. She was extremely bright, creative, and articulate for her age, making use of a large vocabulary to express herself and ask never-ending but thought-provoking questions, when she wasn't stressed.

When she started school, her teacher pointed out she would use the bathroom about 14 times a day just to wash her hands because she didn't like when they got messy and refused to hold hands with or hug classmates. One time she even refused to sit on the class carpet because she claimed it was wet even though all the other kids were sitting on it and the teacher reassured her that it wasn't. Upon her teacher inquiring, it turned out the carpet had been shampooed the night before. Prior to starting first grade, she became anxious at the thought of having to use a different bathroom than the one she had gotten accustomed to. This prompted me to take her to the school a few times over the summer to get her accustomed to the new bathrooms.

CONTINUED in the comments.

The other day my 11 year old confided in me about

The other day my 11 year old confided in me about something I would have never even dreamt about telling my parents. It was such a profound moment for me because I recognized that I was headed in the right direction in cultivating a relationship built on trust and unconditional love. It's always been my goal to be able to offer the kids a safe space where they have permission to say what they are thinking or feeling without the fear of judgment, shame, or punishment. When people think of motherhood they often think of babies and toddlers because the littlest ones usually take up the most time. Older kids are often seen as less work due to their growing independence especially during the pre-adolescent phase where they tend to gravitate towards peers and other interests. However I feel that a strong parent-child relationship during the pre-adolescent years when children are physically, emotionally, socially, and cognitively changing and testing rules and limits in the process, can set the stage for a less stressful, less rebellious, less secretive teenage phase.

Obviously this is difficult as children tend to share less and less of their lives with their parents as they grow. But the key to gaining your child's trust has to be in respecting your child's need for greater autonomy while keeping lines of communication open. One way I do this is by setting aside one-on-one time for my 11 and almost 10 year old on the weekend when their dad can occupy their little siblings. This way they get the undivided attention they miss out on the weekdays and a chance to bond with me without interruptions. It can be hard to get pre-teens to talk but when we are doing something they enjoy doing such as cooking, the conversations tend to flow naturally. We talk about all sorts of things that may feel uncomfortable otherwise. Plus they get the opportunity to learn a life skill and gain confidence in the kitchen. It's bittersweet knowing my oldest two are almost teenagers but hopefully as the kids transition into teenagers, they'll remember that when they need someone to listen to them, or empathize with them, or give them advice that I'll be there.

#moderndaybrownmom

There are very few books I've read that have stuck

There are very few books I've read that have stuck with me and influenced me in regards to how I choose to parent. One author that I keep coming back to is Dr. Gabor Maté, ever since I discovered his work back in 2013. Not only is his perspective enlightening but it reinforces a lot of my beliefs. For those unaware, Dr. Gabor Maté is a Hungarian-Canadian physician, born during the Holocaust, author, speaker and addiction and trauma expert. Although his background is in family practice and palliative care, he has expertise in childhood development and trauma, and their potential lifelong impacts on physical and mental health, including autoimmune disease, cancer, ADHD, addictions, and more. For those interested, a lot of his talks can also be found on YouTube in which he speaks of the impacts of stressed parenting, gentle parenting, his disapproval of time-outs, ferberization/sleep-training, and more. He often refers to today's culture as "anti-child" in that children are made to fit into the busy schedules of adults who ignore their parental instincts so much so that they have become removed from them and his perspectives often offer solutions to remedy that. His talks are truly compassionate and judgement-free which is probably why he's so popular and impactful.

If I were to recommend one book for all parents, and anyone who has contact with children, it would be "Hold on to Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers" written by Dr. Gabor Maté and psychologist Dr. Gordon Neufeld. The book explores society today in which children tend to spend less time with parents than in the past and as a result look to their peers for direction, value, and identity, which inherently undermines the concept of family, destroys the school atmosphere, and fosters a hyper aggressive and overly sexualized youth culture. The book also provides insight into the environmental factors necessary for healthy child development, how these conditions are increasingly under threat in today’s society, and how parents and educators can maintain their leading role during the challenges posed by modern culture such as bullying, the rise of social media, and videogames.

CONTINUED.

Raising her has been smooth, a joy infact, not bec

Raising her has been smooth, a joy infact, not because she's been an easier baby than her siblings but because I have the experience of having raised three kids prior to her. Her mannerisms, her smile, the silly things she does, and the risks she takes remind me so much of her older sister. But it's a bittersweet feeling knowing she gets the best version of me; the most patient, the most flexible, the most gentle, and the least anxious version of me. I realize it's unfair to punish myself for my lack of experience or not having known better 11 years ago with my first because regardless of how much you prepare, motherhood is hard. It throws you curve balls and many times you are left to your own resources to navigate completely new territory. I know I can't control what each child got or gets from me on account of birth order so I tend to shift the perspective and see the positives and the bigger picture instead. My oldest had the most quality, uninterrupted time with me, spent the most time being loved by my family, and everything was catered around her and her schedule but she had a young and inexperienced mother. My second born always had a sibling, someone his age to grow, play, and learn with, and a slightly experienced mother but hardly any uninterrupted one-on-one time. My third born who came years after my second had two teachers and two playmates in his siblings and a much more experienced mother but his life centered around the busy schedules of his older siblings who were in school and in various extra-curricular activities. My youngest has three older siblings who dote on her and the most experienced mother, but she rarely gets quiet for nap-time and the attention and time she gets from me is divided by four. When I really think about it each child got the best of me because there wasn't a day that I didn't try my hardest to be the best mother to each child with what I knew at the time. As much as we want to give each child the same it's just not realistic. If you've ever carried the guilt I'm referring to, I encourage you to also shift the perspective and see the beauty in what you were able to offer each child.

📸:@shotbyshiro

#moderndaybrownmom

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