As far as I can remember I have always been a spiritual person, trying to unravel the mystery of our existence, learning about and making connections between religions, and whole-heartedly believing that when you do good, good things follow. However it wasn’t until after Vishnu’s birth that I started delving deep into theories about our connection to the universe, dreams, and alternate dimensions to understand and make sense of the things I couldn’t explain or wrap my head around.
In the earlier stages of my pregnancy with baby Vishnu, I had daily, beautiful and peaceful dreams in which I would dream about the universe -The dreams were one of the many reasons I chose to name my son, “Vishnu”. In Hinduism, Lord Vishnu, who is a dark blue hue like the universe, governs the sustenance and preservation of the universe. Some even believe that the universe is a manifestation of Lord Vishnu’s dream and knowing this, I couldn’t help but feel connected to this name.
However, much later into the pregnancy I had a very detailed nightmare in which I dreamt of giving birth to baby Vishnu. I saw the back of his head with two cowlicks and the side of his head with a pale blue bald spot. In my dream he was taken away from me because he needed medical attention. I woke up midst dream with tears and the idea that he was having seizures. It bothered me to the point that I started to think that the stress would affect the baby so I forced myself to forget and convinced myself that dreams weren’t premonitions.
The night I was in labour with Vishnu, that dream kept replaying in my head. The first thing I did as soon as he crowned was get my mom to check his head for the cowlicks and bald spot and they were there, exactly as I had envisioned in my dream months prior. I was in really bad shape after Vishnu’s birth and was given pain medication as I started treatment for complications so I wasn’t completely alert but I do remember asking the OBGYN, nurse, and pediatrician if Vishnu was okay and I was assured that he was. My instinct told me otherwise and so I refused to let it go only to be told that I experiencing post-partum depression.
Long story short, days after going home and after multiple visits to different doctors for second/third/fourth opinions, Vishnu was admitted into pediatric acute care on the verge of a coma due to extremely low levels of ionized calcium and as a result seizures. Had it not been for the dream, I might have missed the signs altogether, just as all the doctors had. I could not shake the feeling that something was wrong with Vishnu, despite every doctor, pediatrician, and family member trying to tell me otherwise. I even started to tell myself that I was seeing things because no one else was seeing Vishnu doing anything out of the ordinary. It was a scary feeling to think that I could be that disconnected from reality. In the end I was so relieved that one doctor happened to believe me and ran the necessary tests. I was relieved that I had gotten my child the help that he had desperately needed since his birth. But this experience has left so many unanswered questions and a longing to make sense of the whole thing for my peace of mind.
We are connected to the universe in countless, intricate ways – in ways that we don’t fully understand yet – so it really any wonder that we believe the universe has the ability to send us signs and messages? Afterall, I really believe that I had received a message while pregnant with Vishnu. The unconscious mind is the part of us that is most disconnected to the physical world and most connected to the universe, therefore the most open to receiving messages. Infact, pioneer psychoanalyst Carl Jung, theorized that dreams extract knowledge from the unconscious mind of the individual as well as the “collective unconscious,” which he defined as the shared history of the human race. Perhaps in our dream state we can connect with insight from the subconscious and we can receive signs through the energy of people that we are connected to in our wakeful state or the collective unconscious – essentially those that we might have been connected to in the past.
While there is evidence that we might be able to better analyze waking life in our dreams and come up with ideas and solutions while asleep, there is not much evidence to support the idea of predictive dreams or Carl Jung’s theory. I believe the dream I had while pregnant with Vishnu was infact a predictive dream even though I tend to find other ways to explain my experience just so I can better make sense of everything. Perhaps knowing something was wrong with my baby was my instinct which was able to translate better in a dream. Perhaps it was baby Vishnu who was communicating to me. Perhaps this had happened before in a previous lifetime or in an alternative dimension. I will never know but I do know that our dreams can open the normally locked door which holds the inherent wisdom of the self. I do know that there is something higher at play here and I do know that as far-fetched as it sounds, it is worth listening to and exploring not only our dreams but gut feelings, especially when we cannot shake them. In hindsight, that one dream was enough to set in motion the steps I took to save my child’s life so perhaps the universe did speak to me afterall.
As much as I have continued to think about my experience over the past three years, I think about it a lot more around Vishnu’s birthday every year. I am sharing this today because it has been on my mind a lot lately and I would like to try to make peace with it rather than obsess over it, if that makes sense. If you have had similar experiences or have thoughts to share, please leave them in the comments below.